Oh The Stress

Here's just a little recap as to what's been happening lately:
Last Sat: we went to Mama Negra in Latacunga
Last Sun: we had people here to watch the football game and Chuki had a play date
Mon: I worked 4 hours
Tues: I worked 4.5 hours
Wed: I worked 5 hours and we got paid



Plus, we're in full Korea/Japan research mode. Emails are flying, google's working extra hard, Dave's ESL Cafe hasn't gotten this many hits from us since about 16 months ago. Bogdan Christmas is just around the corner so I'm planning and looking up games and activities for all ages. We're emailing and scheduling get togethers and parties with friends at home! I'm 10 days away from the 1/2 Marathon! And we're less than a month away from being home. Within that month we're going to climb Pichincha, have people over for another football game, have another play date for Chuki, run a 1/2 Marathon, go on a chiva, have Thanksgiving, and spend the weekend in Papallacta. It's craziness, I tell you! We haven't been this busy since the summer when we had all of those visitors! If it was just all of this stuff there wouldn't be any stress. I enjoy planning and thinking about the future and so I thrive in these kinds of situations. But with Danni leaving inlingua, things seem to be crumbling. The right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing over there anymore and it's just becoming down right frustrating.

And so yesterday I got to thinking about stress. I posted on facebook 'I thought I left the USA to get away from work stress' or something like that. And dear Veronica said 'you can run but you can't hide.' Which got me thinking... and here's what I've come up with.

When I was in the USA I lived, breathed, and slept under stress. I would wake up in the middle of the night panicked that I had forgotten to do something. I know most everyone that works/worked in fundraising at ACS knows what I mean. The TO DO list was so long and never fully complete that I never felt on top of things. It was awful, and I mean awful in 100% of its meaning. It was a terrible, terrible feeling that made me feel like I was being crushed on all sides. For all of you out there that have super stressful jobs: 'I'm really sorry. And it's not worth it.' That's my advice.

But I digress. Stress was a constant while working for ACS. The biggest difference now, is that when I do feel stressed it's a new feeling that actually takes me a minute to identify. At first, I usually think I'm hungry and then I think I'm nervous and then I realize oh, ya, I'm stressed.

The other biggest difference is that the stress here is always over a certain, specific, resolvable situation. And usually it's resolved within hours or sometimes days. I mean even if I decided that working at inlingua is too stressful now that Danni's gone, I can always change institutes. I'm paid hourly and our contract is up (where did 9 months go, may I ask?). Plus I'm a pretty darn good teacher, if I say so myself.

And lastly, I've learned that Veronica is right. I can run but I can't hide from stress. There will always be people or situations that cause me stress but it really isn't about the existence of stress, it's about the reaction to stress. So yesterday I had my day to be annoyed and angry. The lovely Sarah and Corine let me vent at their house over tea. I went for a run and it's over. Now, today, I woke up thinking 'do I really care that much about inlingua to stress out about it for the next 3 weeks before we go home?' And the honest answer is no. I mean it's my job, sure, and I care about my job. But the beauty about being here in Ecuador is that my job doesn't define me anymore. It doesn't take up the majority of my time, my physical energy, my mental energy. It isn't the sole provider of fulfillment and satisfaction. Sure it's part of all that, but it's only a fraction of me and I don't really care about it that much. Not in a bad, apathetic way but in a completely healthy, work-life balance sort of way.

So today, I'm done thinking about why inlingua is heading down hill and I'm done worrying about what could happen and instead I'm going to start hoping that it's not cloudy on Sunday so we can climb Pichincha. I'm also going to start thinking about what I want to make for Thanksgiving and all of the wine that will be drunk from a bottle when I'm home! Plus all of the amazing friends and family that I'm finally going to get to hug in person! And all of the fun and silly games that we're going to play at Bogdan Christmas!

MULUB,
Taylor