I've had a lot of time to think about friendship and it's something that I'm still trying to work out in my head. But I certainly have a clearer idea of what it is now, than I did 11 months ago. Being abroad is tough on relationships. I can't just bop over to have lunch with a friend, to have coffee, to have drinks, to watch a movie, etc. I can't just pick up the phone and have a good chat on the drive to work. I can't do all of the things that, for me, equated to a friendship. It's just not possible. I need to schedule phone calls and the only way I can see someone is via skype. And so if everything that I equate with friendship is taken away from the friendship, what kind of relationship is it?
Being away has changed the way that I look at what friendship is, how it works, and why it's important. I really had a hard time about 3 months into being here. The newness and excitement of being abroad and living with Ryan had worn off and I really was missing my friends. After having lived with 2 girls for the last 2 years and then living with a million of them at college, it was a sudden change to not have them around all of the time. Plus, its a lot of work to write and send an email. I know it doesn't seem like it is, but it is. When time passes the thought of filling someone in, via email, is daunting. You have to explain so much, and you have to go back in time. It's the task that you always put off until the next day and then 2 months have gone by and you still haven't done it. I get that. But it was hard for me to not be in communication with my friends.
I had a lot of conversations during that time about what is friendship and a lot of conversations asking, essentially, 'are we still friends?' And what I've come to realize is that as I get older, my relationships have to, need to change. They aren't comprised of sleep overs and sharing every intimate detail and every non-important conversation. People grow up and have less time. Plus people are developing serious romantic relationships that become number one, instead of the best friend and the romantic relationship being separate. And this is normal. This is natural. This is what happens to everyone. I'm not some weird crazy that's friendships are changing just because I moved to Ecuador. But this would have happened no matter where I live.
I also learned that friendships come and go, just like all things they ebb and flow. Sometimes they're strong and sometimes they aren't. But just because you're going through a weak phase in one friendship that doesn't mean that it's forever from this day forward invalid. It just means its weak right now.
Most of all, I've learned that I have to make my friendships work for me. They might not be what I imagined them to be, but I have to accept that. I have to be willing to let go of some relationships, either temporarily or permanently, that aren't good for me. Especially those that I put in effort, upon effort, upon effort without any return. I can't keep relying on those relationships as my strongest ones or most important ones.
It's definitely still a work in progress but I'm happy with it. I feel as if my friendships are more substantive now and that I don't take them for granted. One of my most anticipated times of being home is seeing my friends. I just can't wait to spend actual time with them.
So that's what I've learned. It's certainly not the most coherent thing but it's changing everyday. And for once, I'm ok with that.
MULUB,
Taylor
PS. 4 days until the race, 11 days until (we celebrate) Thanksgiving, and 21 days until we're home!
